tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC May 6, 2014 11:35pm-12:38am PDT
>> stay tuned on jimmy kimmle, jon hamm. >> from "mad men. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight jon hamm, emma roberts, and music from kid ink featuring travis barker, with cleto and the cletones. and now, once and for all, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ "jimmy kimmel live" >> jimmy: thank you very much. it's tuesday to end all tuesdays.
[ cheers and applause ] you guys, i feel like i know the answer. how are you guys feeling tonight? not individually. as a group. everybody okay? [ applause ] glad to hear that. according to the white house we are all about to die. the white house just released the national climate assessment. a lengthy report on the effect climate change is having on our country. it is 800 pages long, which seems like a lot of trees to kill for a report on the environment. but it is not encouraging. for humans. for rattlesnakes it is great. but for humans problematic. we can expect more fires and drought in the southwest. alaska is going to melt. coastlines will be flooded. which are all bad things. the report says climate change was once considered an issue for the future. it moved firmly into the present. i don't know maybe the climate hasn't changed. maybe we have changed. have you ever thought about that. what happened to change is good?
now it is bad. earlier today, president obama met with a group of meteorologists, including al roker and ginger zee to discuss the contents of the report. and to see what is going on in their neck of the wood. i am not kidding. he really did. that's, a lot of people still refuse to believe that global warming is a real thing. and while it is fine to be skeptical of what the government tells you, al roker is a guy who admitted that he pooped himself at the white house. he tells you, there is climate change, you better believe it. the timing of this is interesting too. the world is warming. the sun is getting hotter. what is the one thing that can sach us? th -- save us? that's right, v. stiviano's sunglasses now. who looks stupid? [ applause ] we don't have time to try to understand climate change and what is happening on "game of thrones" one or the other.
tommy lasorda was in florida, did an interview with abc 25 down there. a they asked him about the whole donald sterling thing. i thought he had an interesting take on it. >> well, it doesn't surprise me that he said those things. that doesn't surprise me. he shouldn't have said it. and, he just, hurt himself by, by talking too much and doing things that he couldn't, shouldn't be doing. and i tell you, i don't wish that girl any bad luck, but i hope he gets hit with a car. -- hope she gets hit with a car. >> jimmy: any bad luck. tommwas in florida to receive an honorary doctorate. thank you, dr. lasorda. meanwhile, toronto mayor rob ford -- [ applause ] you won't be happy to hear this. he is missing. last week mayor ford took a leave of absence to enter rehab for substance abuse. he reportedly flew to chicago to
go to rehab. but when he got to chicago, he was turned away by customs. and now we don't know where he is. how do you lose a 330-pound man? he phoned into a toronto city council meeting today to, say he was in rehab. he dent say where. his lawyer told reporters, the bottom line is he is in rehab, he is getting rehab. he will be there a number of weeks. that's the answer. not like he is at a baseball game in los angeles or something. which means heap is probably a baseball game in los angeles. maybe we should lay a trail of dodger dogs from the stadium to our theater. to lead him here to us. meanwhile, somebody alerted me to this on twitter. somebody is posting, rob ford missing posters around the city of toronto. ha-ha-ha. i don't know what the rest of it says. it does say alarmingly sweaty on there. and, a good night tonight. emma roberts is here, and kid
ink, travis barker are here. and jon hamm is here. [ applause ] i will tell you something -- he better have those 25 tag lines ready. it is a "madman" joke. i was testing you, you failed. his new movie, million dollar arm. baseball movie. baseball is the most the dramatic sport. the best for movies. last night the yankees were in anaheim playing the angels. bottom of the 6th inning. angels shortstop, eric iybar and johnson got there figuratively. >> pujols lines one to left field. base hit. that got out there quickly. going for three. he is safe. >> that's the other reason.
[ applause ] >> jimmy: amazon is, i love amazon. amazon is interesting, is introducing some interesting new features to their online shopping experience. you can now add items to your amazon shopping cart with a tweet. what you do is you reply to a link to the amazon product you want. you add #-amazoncart, it comes to your house. finally you can buy a handbag with a hash tag. same day delivery. google testing this. order an item. it shows up in hours. shows up to your house on that day. amazon and google launched same-day service in los angeles. thought it would be fun to give it a try. we will do an experiment. guillermo, i will order two presents for you. going to order two of the same thing. one from google. one from amazon. and we will see how fast they can get here. >> mr. kimmel. mr. kimmel. delivery. >> jimmy: i didn't even. >> order it yet.
we knew you would. we're google. [ applause ] >> jimmy: sign it. >> no need to sign. keep the pen. >> jimmy: oh, all right. can i have the package? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's great. guillermo, i got you a package. >> guillermo: thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy: want to open it? go ahead. open it up. why are you nervous when you open stuff? as if i would do anything, as if i would do anything cruel to you. >> guillermo: i don't trust you. >> jimmy: how dare you, i brought you to this country the you don't trust me. you see what that is? that's right. it's a -- it's v. stiviano visor. cherish the hat. look like you are starting a mexican daft punk. >> you look great with this thing. >> jimmy: earlier today hillary clinton gave the keynote address at national council for
behavioral health conference in maryland. she also held a q & a session and things got surprisingly personal. >> what is your guilty pleasure? >> ha-ha-ha, ha-ha. let's see. >> oh, there's that many? >> just trying to think of the g-rated ones. no. >> jimmy: well, hello, madam secretary. [ applause ] >> jimmy: you know it is prom season right now. it is also known as puke in a limo month. this weekend is the biggest weekend of the year for filling water bottles with your parents' vodka. prom season, i don't know, always makes me kind of nostalgic. remember your prom theme? we had our, my prom theme was "dukes of hazard" that's what i was sitting at home watching when it was happening. finding a date to the prom can
be very stressful. even more so now. because you know about the prom-posals. kids are now asking each other to prom in big elaborate ways which they call prom-posals. just when you thought yolo was the worst new term along comes prom-posals. kid go all out for this stuff. they rent billboard. they will make videos. they're sky writing. and it's nuts as if it wasn't sad enough when a girl said no to you before. imagine hearing no after you have trained a flock of doves to spell out her name and fly over her house. most guys barely have one good proposal in them for a wedding. you really want them to blow it on an event that takes place in, in the gym at your high school. the best thing though is the prom photo. those are, speaking of photos ichl wa i want to show you. avril lavigne did something odd in brazil with her fans. held meet and greets after her concert. fans could say hello, a ticket
to the meet and greet cost $360. which often times in pictures, celebrities will pose with their fans. but avril instead chose to pose near them. she, they say she had a no-touching policy. which made for photographs like this one. keeping her distance. we have another. not, not, too close. you see, she is, always has just at least that 18 inches between. she is getting. this guy tried to lean in. it didn't work. no touching for him either. i can't say that i blame her on that one. this one looks like they're standing in an el va evator together. a meet and retreat. a nice idea. in fact i would look to offer some one here an opportunity to take a photo -- photograph with me here. and let me see. okay, how about you, right there. you, yeah, come up here for a second. yeah, come of right up here.
hi hour, are you. how are you doing how are you doing? we have to keep. i don't reallying i don't want any touching. >> no. >> yes, no. like avril. yeah, stand right here. >> the x? >> the little red mark right there. okay. hoed on one second. let me get a -- okay. all right. just going 48 inches here. okay. all right. please release the tape measure. thank you. okay. now let's just look at the camera right here. yeah. and smile. are we smiling? okay. all right. did you get it all right. can we see how it came out? all right. oh, what do you hit play? okay. put that up on the screen if we could. yeah. all right. perfect. thank you very much. thank you. thank you. >> that's $360.
[ applause ] >> jimmy: one more thing, you know -- what's going on over there? you can probably take that off, guillermo. >> guillermo: all right. >> jimmy: mother's day is sunday. you don't want to forget mom or she will make you feel guilty about her for the rest of your life. a lot of pop have weird unrealistic views of your mother as if your mom is not human. a lot of people operate under t delusion mothers were never young. moms are people. your mom in particular is a pervert. you know who i am talking to, right? mothers do unmotherly things to. prove it. we went out on to hollywood boulevard today. we asked moms to tell us on television, one shocking thing about them that their kids don't know. so. here we go. what's one shocking thing about you that your kids don't know? >> oh, let me think back.
in my youth i painted a billboard. >> jimmy: now, let me stop it there. we are going to have to do better, lady. let's try that again. >> what's one shocking thing about you that your kids don't know? >> that i like dope. i like to smoke. >> probably that i won a hot legs contest. >> a what? >> hot legs contest. >> not shocking, i used to cut off all the fingers and toes off my barbies. >> that i have fake boobs. ha-ha-ha. >> maybe experimented with same-sex, not all the way, just kisses. >> that's good enough. >> things like that. being single so many years and having so much fun. >> by fun you mean? >> fun.
>> it doesn't have to be. >> talking sailors, motorcycle men. >> no, no, no, no, no. >> just a little businessman? >> yeah, white-collar workers, blue-collar workers. carpenters. plumbers. >> what's one shocking thing about you that your kids don't know? >> my kids don't know that i adopted them. just kidding. >> are those your kids over there? >> yeah. >> wow. >> um -- i don't know. my kids don't know? hmm. i mud wrestled naked when i was in my high school. >> she did not know that. >> she didn't know.
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i'm ro khanna and i approve this message, because change starts with us. >> jimmy: tonight on the show, starting friday you can see her alongside james franco in the new movie "palo alto" emma roberts is here. with us tonight. and then, from the at&t stage, this is his cd, called "my own lane" kid ink with help from travis barker on drums. lot of tattoos on that stage tonight. tomorrow night, pharell williams
will be here. and a second night of pharell and kobe bryant and lake bell too. so please join us. >> jimmy: you know our first guest from seven seasons on the great show "mad men" starting march 16th you can see him converting real indians into cleveland indians in the new movie "million dollar arm" which please welcome jon hamm. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you doing? i know you had -- get comfortable. >> did you just say real indians into cleveland indians? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, the theme of the movie. >> ish, i guess.
real indians into pittsburgh pirates. >> jimmy: doesn't flow. if you got real pirates made them into pittsburgh pirates a sequel to the movie. >> part two, exactly. >> jimmy: the big set you have, for the premiere of the movie has been tormenting me all day. >> sure it has. i have lived in l.a. almost 20 years. every time they close down hollywood boulevard for something. you are like -- it is so annoying. >> jimmy: that's not why it was tormenting me. i see the mound out there. it would be fun to go out there and play baseball. >> did you go try it? >> jimmy: i didn't go out and try it. it is crazy out there. it is the sort thing that makes you go, boy. i wish i realized how lucky i was as a kid. you played sports in high school? >> i did. i swam. i played baseball and football. those were my sports back in high school. that was many, many, almost 25 years ago. >> jimmy: what position did you play baseball wise? >> catcher. >> jimmy: i played catcher too. >> we are built so similarly. classic catcher's bodies.
>> jimmy: i played catcher in las vegas. 122 degrees. don't drink water you will cramp up. >> that is horrible advice. >> jimmy: did they tell you not to drink water? >> they told you drink water, hydrate. >> prevailing wisdom not to drink water. >> there are a lot of things wrong about las vegas. that is one of the biggest. >> jimmy: let's not get into your horrible pizza in st. louis now. by the way, we were able to get ahold of your high school prom picture. you want to the prom. >> i did not. >> there you are. >> jimmy: you look pretty good there. >> the beginnings of a mullet, i feel. can't quite tell what is going on in the back there. >> jimmy: a mullet. the crazy thing abumeout this picture your date to the prom is sarah clark who became a famous actor. which i can't imagine that has ever happened before. >> i don't know. >> jimmy: occasionally, kobe bryant went with brandi or
something. but they were famous. >> already famous. we were kids that went to a weird school in saint louis, missouri. yeah, sarah became famous for being on "24" and in "twilight" movies. and then, yeah. that's, that happens. >> jimmy: her parents were kind enough to send this. yeah, they were. they sent us something else. >> i can't wait to see what else that is. >> jimmy: you were in fantasy football league with my cousin sal. how long have you been doing that with sal? >> five years. >> jimmy: hasn't it been longer. a lot longer than that? >> maybe, not sure. you used to be in it? >> jimmy: yeah, i learned my lesson. it is, a huge waste of time. >> massive waste of time. for very, very little money. really, even if you win. it's not like a big deal. >> jimmy: if you barack reak it to an hourly wage, 4 cents an hour. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you were, sal has a weird rule. i will let you tell the story.
>> the rule in the league is that every year survivor style, one person gets kicked out of the league. there is no rhyme or reason to it. the, who ever win the league picks. so they picked the person that is out. you don't know until draft day. so you have to prepare all of your draft materials. you show up to the, to the -- the predetermined place. and they say, you are out of the league, go home. saladed the rule for no good reason. >> greatest reason. thought it would be hilarious. which it was. one year it was famously brad who lost his mind. sort of throwing things. he went out the window? >> yeah, literally thought he was going out the door. it was the window. >> jimmy: then come back in. i can tell the walk of shame. like going out of the closet. i can't go back in. the next year, it was me that got booted out. i very kindly closed my laptop
and, and -- >> jimmy: the story i am told. correct me if this is wrong. you were shooting mad men. you were actually. >> shooting. >> jimmy: rushing through scenes so you could get to the fantasy football. >> it wasn't like i was speed acting. >> jimmy: you were speed acting a little i heard. off a >> you were late. >> jimmy: 2 1/2 hours late. they said don't worry we will not begin until you get here. you sped to the venue. >> flew down sunset boulevard. pulled into some sports bar that we rented a room out of. >> jimmy: brought your notes. >> had my stuff. set it up. and they're like, you can go ahead and go. >> jimmy: and i heard. your reaction was -- you looked at them. you, you took your beer, you drank your beer, you put it down. you said no word. you packed your stuff. you walked right out. >> that's exactly what happened. now the end of the story is, the following year, you know, who ever gs kicked out. the guy that got kicked out last year.
comes back in. works like that. sal got kicked out. >> jimmy: yes. >> sal did not take it as well. as a lot of us have. and there is talk of dismantling the league. >> jimmy: there is now still talk about dismantling. >> literally he will say, well, no one should play. unbelievable. >> jimmy: my beloved cousin was a sore loser. >> maybe a little bit. gyp gyp . >> jimmy: i don't believe it for one second. your co-star elizabeth moss was here. >> she was here. very good. told us a story singing together doing "i've had the time of my life." >> yes we, had a group of people together, people from the joe, myself, lizzy, jay ferguson, big beard, rich summer was there, big group of us. so we kind of, madmen stormed a joint in the valley and had our way with it. >> jimmy: people must have gone nuts when you were all in there.
>> there were double takes. it was very low lit. there wasn't. lizzy told the story. like when, when, we started singing we looked up. it was a sea of iphones. like everybody like this. >> jimmy: weirdly, believe me we looked for the video there. nobody posted it. >> well as the i said it was probably pretty dark. >> jimmy: yeah, still. right. >> i am sure i can't sing to save my life. >> jimmy: that's even more reason to post it. oh, singing is not one of your gifts. >> not at all. >> jimmy: when we come back. love the movie, called "million dollar arm." jo jon hamm is here. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ hypnotist ] you are feeling satisfied without standard leather. you are feeling exhilarated with front-wheel drive. you are feeling powerful with a 4-cylinder engine.
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>> jimmy: million dollar arm opens on may 16th. and came out really good. the movie is great. based on aster that steory tha true. hard to believe it is true. >> we are beth big basebaoth bi fans. >> i read the script. based on a true story. got on google. checking it all out. it is a real thing. >> jimmy: i did that today. i wanted to find out what became, the story with the guys was. i know. i de i don't want to say. >> it is a strtrue story. i play a sports agent. does this thing. takes this journey to go find, two athletes in india that he can then train into professional baseball players. and -- he does. >> jimmy: and makes a show out of it. >> makes.
rea reality show component. becomes a phenomenon in india. last six years, got traction. >> jimmy: if somebody pitched this idea to you you would say that is ridiculous. but it actually did happen. >> it actually happened. the two boys the movie is based on. one is still in pittsburgh pirates organization. and it's, especially for some one who loves baseball as much as i do, the fact that the two kids can at age of 17 having never touched a baseball, in the space of ten months, be, be good enough to qualify for a major league baseball team, was, was, inspiring to me. but also, heartbreaking because all i wanted to do was be a baseball player when i was 18 years old. no, no, no. you've don't have the talent. that the kids do. >> jimmy: we have a clip here. don't think this needs to be set up. take a look.
>> jimmy: you said you couldn't sing. >> wow. >> jimmy: mr. and mrs. clark. >> carolyn and ernie clark are going to get a very special phone call. >> jimmy: this is the clip that we were actually looking for. you can deliver major league baseball its first indian ball player that is a billion new fans. what do a billion new fans need? a billion hats? a billion t-shirts. >> you want to set this up like it is a talent contest? >> exactly. that will expose maximum tal not to press. we find them. bring them back here. train them in l.a. get them signed with a professional franchise. >> what is your time limit? >> two years. >> can you do it in one? >> sure. >> jimmy: it is a true story.
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>> hi, everybody. i am here in the audience right now. what is your name? >> mark. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> ohio. >> jimmy: welcome, mark. what do you do for a living? >> a little bit, i am a writer. >> jimmy: a writer. all right. we are going to play a little game. not really a game. i am going to do something which is what will happen. you see there is nothing on this piece of paper, correct? >> yes. >> jimmy: you can see there is nothing on the piece of paper. very good. i will put on the blindfold. put the blindfold on. tell everybody that, that you can't see. well, you know what i will put it on. trust me on this one. i can't see out of it. let me get a good look at you first. i've will draw you blindfolded. okay. okay. all right. i am going to draw you. i can't see anything.
>> it's great. thank you. am i in all the right spots. am i on the hat part right now? >> yes. big hat. >> jimmy: i am. okay. i think i am done. yeah, you are right. >> it is really good. >> wow. >> jimmy: there you go. that's for you. enjoy. thank you very much. we'll be right back with emma roberts. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ fami$160 dollars a month. sounds great. sounds like a slam dunk. oh you a basketball fan? yeah, i played a little.
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>> jimmy: our next guest comes from one of those families where if you're not famous they kick you out. you know her from "we're the millers" and "american horror story" and starting friday, alongside james franco in the new movie "palo alto." please welcome emma roberts. >> jimmy: you know, i am not
sure you are aware of this, your aunt jewel gentleman roberts was here last night. >> i was. i saw the swearoff. that was funny. >> jimmy: did she curse in front of you. >> no, i was shocked. didn't know she had such a bad mouth. >> jimmy: we were all surprised. more by sally field. but surprised nonetheless. now you, i heard you had a run-in with the lapd. >> i did. >> jimmy: i'm interested in the story. i feel like, i can help you. >> will i hope you can help me. because i was driving to work. minding my own business. i did what i usually do, stop and get a bagel and coffee. and i'm eating my bagel and driving. and a cop on a motorcycle is driving. i see him. i smile he is looking at me. before you know it the lights are flashing. ic i'm like who are they pulling over. it's me. yes, officer what's the problem. >> just saw you talking on your phone. >> no, i'm eating a bagel. the phone is in my purse. i have heard a lot of stories,
but eating on the bagel never heard that one. i was look what are you talking about. i have cream cheese on my face. eating a bagel. wrote me a ticket for talking on the phone. i was literally eating a bagel. when he asked for my license. i was like my house flooded tie don't have my license. he didn't believe me. wrote a ticket for both things. i have to go to court. i am scared. i am scared. i was eating a bagel. >> jimmy: i am going to go to court with you. >> will you go with me. the ticket was cryptic. don't pay the fine. downtown, july 2nd. 4:00 p.m. you can't log in and get it over with. >> jimmy: you have to show them your driver's license which is weird they could just look it up and see that you have a driver's license. >> that's what i said. >> jimmy: they lack ike to make things difficult. that's the world we live in. did you think at any point. no, look at my phone. you can see that i haven't been texting or, that my calls have not -- >> when i realized. i got the ticket. talking on a black iphone.
my iphone is hot pink. >> jimmy: racism. that's racism. >> he was driving away. i wanted to be like my iphone is pink. pink. he wasn't having it. he said i should be lucky i got off so easy. i was look what do you do to other people. what are you talking about? >> jimmy: what if i was eating pizza. >> i got a bagel yesterday. so excited to eat it. maybe i should wait till i get home. i don't want to get another run-in. joy y >> jimmy: you didn't think to show him. >> i was flustered. in tears. funny because i was really telling the truth. but of look when you tell the truth to a cop you feel like you are lying. then i feel like when you lie for a ticket. they're lake okay, bye. you are liking that is so easy. you are telling the truth, yeah. right. >> jimmy: never tell the truth. >> the moral of the story, i guess. >> jimmy: i think i can help you with that. but also, what happened. you said your house was flooded. >> my house was flooded yes. >> jimmy: how did that happen? >> april was a crazy month. i've went to coachella.
>> jimmy: oh. >> and i. >> jimmy: got it. i mean. >> so i leave for coachella for three datesch. i got back. i decided to take my closet out and throw it on the floor to back. i've get home from coachella why is there water in the garage. i open the front door. the whole house was flooded for three days while i was gone. >> jimmy: what happened? >> a pipe burst. you hear this happening to people. that's a bummer. you have it happen and this is the worst. >> jimmy: bring in the big fans and everything. dry everything out. >> of course, had taken the clothes and thrown them on the floor. all my clothes were pretty much ruined. so, yeah, i didn't know what to do. i was waiting for my friend to come hoefr. the insurance people. i just had to put on rain boots and was like getting a snack out of the fridge and just crying. like what do you do? >> jimmy: fun to use your rain boots in l.a. every once in a while. >> it was. they were rain boots with a wedge too. they were like chic rain boots.
>> jimmy: a silver lining to this story. >> yeah. >> jimmy: how does a pipe burst in weather, that doesn't, that seems, odd, like something happens when. >> my washing machine. i don't know. so funny. remember walking by. i wonder if i need a new washing machine. no, i am good. the pipe bursts. >> jimmy: replace your washing machine every month. >> my intuition was right. >> jimmy: you had in tuition? >> i didn't. a month prior to this. of my friend was having a dinner party for this astrologer, reading everybody's charts. i was like tell me. she was like, oh, there is a flood coming. i was like, okay. whatever. >> jimmy: for real? >> yes, so after the flood happened. i e-mailed her is there anything else i need to know. is there anything else? and i haven't heard back. i'm kind of worried. >> jimmy: wow. you realize if it was me. i would suspect she is the one that burst your pipes. right. that's how, that's how -- that's
probably what happened. >> no. >> jimmy: wow. >> i never thought of it. she is the culprit. or that cop that pulled me over. one of them. >> jimmy: the bad cop. >> sure. i hope he is watching this and knows i was eating a bagel. >> jimmy: he is watching a bagel right now not giving a crap. you made this movie with james franco. who is a very talented guy. very interesting guy. in general. did you get along well? >> we really did. >> jimmy: would you tell us if you didn't. >> we didn't really get along. we got along. one of the people i was nervous to meet. you hear so much about james franco. i was so scared. he was so nice. so normal. and i was, kept waiting for him to do something crazy and eccentric on set have an outburst that i could text my friend about. >> jimmy: or astrologer, tell my astrologer about. it was all really good. great. such a fan of his book. and i remember reading it being like if this is ever a movie i have to be in it. crazy that five years later i am in the movie sitting talking to
you. >> jimmy: a coincidence that happened you. didn't contact him and said i would look to be in the movie one day? >> a happenstance thing. i was the last person cast in the movie. i really wanted to do it. they were kind of, looking at a bunch of people. then i randomly got a call. the day after halloween. i thought they had cast someone. my house phone is ringing. my house phone rings when there is an emergency. >> jimmy: like a flood. >> like a flood. ran to it. can you go meet gi a talk about the movie. the day after halloween. half mine cat costume. i will be right there. went and met. shot the movie a week later. >> jimmy: congratulations. if you put it on your vision board it will happen. >> true. >> jimmy: do not call an astrologer. whatever she tells you will be wrong. you will be in a panic the whole time. >> i agree. gyp i wi >> jimmy: i will see you in court. emma roberts, everybody. and palo alto opens in theaters friday.
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